“This is not what I wanted. At all. And you didn’t bring me enough of it either.”
A look, like a gleam of longing in ink pools.
An upturned frown with an imaginary spot to hang your coat.
“GIVE ME MORE TO EAT!!! I am always hungry.
Except when I’m SUPER RAVENOUS EXTRA EXTRA hungry.
Or when I’m having off days, weeks, months.”
“Well, we should have known. Look at all this! – – No one can see! – – No one cares.”
Look inside! The bright window a greasy gloom of disappointed years.
The water of fortune makes me a mountain in the summer rain. Each morning.
Hidden, glowing. My beauty, a truth to erupt.
Doctor, waiter, mourner, groom..
if not a screen for blood, tears or wine,
then sweat and creasing in miles of tests,
papers, glass, beeps, bells, flowers,
blank cheque of dignity for…?
“I fear – – I fear, that I cannot… what’s that word.. love anybody..
Standing alone on the edge of this winter city, wrapped in warm indifference.
My words, black stones, stumbled around the edge of a frozen effort, like a trail of sunken tourists looking for a travelling beauty spot.
Before me, the sky flew, disco gold, suave grey, wide eyed blue and flirtatious peach.
Without even so much as a nudge from me, my hat tips to the foreboding of gentle spring blossom on a bare branch.
For the first time I can feel – my body – as it starts to fall – slowly – slowly – into the earth.”
Written in January, 2018.